Writing a Child's Script- Caution Alert to Parents and Educators

One thing you learn with the birth of a second child is that same mom, same dad, does not equal same kid- each one is unique unto him/herself.  I’ve seen my own children develop at their own pace.  The oldest chose not to read until the end of first grade - not because she couldn’t but she wouldn’t.  My youngest also showed no interest but her reasons turned out being related to learning challenges (I write this with her permission!).  We worried a lot about her future at that time. 

Nine years later, she has developed into a hard working student who will be taking on honors classes next year.  In part, it helped that she was self-motivated but I wonder what would have happened if the focus had been on what she could NOT do when she was younger instead of what she COULD do.  We were fortunate to be in an environment where she could test her own limits. 

As an educator, I have lost count of how many typically average smart children in middle school have become super stars in high school and college.  It took them longer for all the synapses to connect but when they did - WOW! 

It is one of the reasons why the conversations about not writing a child’s script for him/her come up often at our school.  If we had limited our late bloomers as they were developing, would they have achieved what they did?  True, there are certain courses in middle school that are leveled - Hebrew, Bible, and Math.  We do so out of recognition that, pedagogically, children develop their abstract and conceptual thinking skills at different rates.  But we also resist the notion to establish honors classes in middle school for Social Studies, English, Spanish and other core areas.  Rather we treat each subject as an honors class and challenge students to rise to our levels of expectation.  If they need support, we assist them in getting there.

Had we labeled some of our super graduates at that critical juncture of their development, we would have been limiting them to what we believed they could do.  Instead, it is critical that children be able to help write their own scripts - to actively be engaged in stretching themselves. They need to know that their teachers believe in them and the expectations for everyone are the same.

As educators, we must be vigilant about not falling into the dangerous trap of labeling a child in terms of their potential.  As parents, we need to teach our children to be actively engaged in their own growth and development.  The Hebrew root of both teacher and parent is l’horot - to guide.  Let’s be mindful of our role in guiding our children in reaching their potential rather than choosing the path for them - to provide them with the confidence to become self advocates, ask good questions, and help write their own scripts in life...with a little help along the way!