I Don’t Know Why You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

During the first weeks of school, the halls are filled with the joyful sound of friends reconnecting, teachers raising their voices in amazement of how their students have grown; the energy and bustle of children moving in mass from one location to the other; and the occasional outbursts of crying youngsters who are adjusting to the ritual of leaving their parents in the morning…and sometime their parents tear-filled eyes show they are adjusting too.

Ahh...the rituals of the new school year!

Peeling young children away from their parents is a time honored tradition perpetuated by the fear of the unknown, separation anxiety after a summer together, and sometimes a touch of manipulation thrown in to tug on the heartstrings of susceptible parents. For some moms and dads, it is heart wrenching and for others, it is a matter of figuring out an exit strategy so they can get to work.

For parents dropping off their children for the first time, it can be particularly challenging but time does not stand still for the breaking hearts.  Raising children is a constant progression of saying goodbyes.

Each goodbye marks a new milestone for both parent and child.  It is a fact of life.  Goodbyes are part of how children learn to cope with change, adapt to new environments, acclimate to risk taking, and grow to be independent. 

Goodbye on the first day of preschool and kindergarten- the first sleepover- the first overnight camp- the first day of middle school or high school.  The day you watch your child drive away with the new found independence of a driver’s license….in your car!  The day you drop your child off to college or walk him/her down the aisle.

Goodbye…goodbye…and goodbye….often filled with tears and sighs.  But you wouldn’t have it any other way.  Each goodbye marks a new stage of growth and change.  As if you even have a choice.

What we learn over time as parents, is to deal with the goodbyes and cherish the hellos.  Hellos upon their return home from school filled with stories; Hellos on the ride home from camp with anecdotes and inside jokes that are encapsulated in long run on sentences until they collapse from exhaustion; Hellos when the car thankfully enters your driveway; Hellos when they come home from college suddenly transformed into very mature adults who really need no advice, but are happy to start giving it; Hellos to their life partners and grandchildren that hopefully follow.

I used to think that Shel Silverstein’s story, The Giving Tree, was a statement about friendship and how one sided it was for the tree to give and the boy to take.  At the moment, I am a parent with a graduating high school senior and two in college. One is taking the LSAT’s this year and talking about schools no longer in a day’s drive.  Now, I understand The Giving Tree to be a metaphor to being a parent.  We are rooted.  Our children come back and we give willingly- grateful for whatever time we have with them.  The goodbyes become more frequent and hellos gladden our hearts.

The separation cries of the first weeks of school quickly fade as a new rhythm takes hold.  Until the next goodbye and the next hello. 

Wishing everyone a great start to the new school year!